100 NEW Funny Jokes
1. Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
2. What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta!
3. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
4. What do you call a fish wearing a crown?
A kingfish!
5. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired!
6. How do you organize a space party?
You planet!
7. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts!
8. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman!
9. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
10. What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange!
11. Why don't oysters donate to charity?
Because they are shellfish!
12. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener!
13. Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems!
14. What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain!
15. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
16. What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
17. How do you organize a fantastic space party?
You planet, invite the stars, and have a blast!
18. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts!
19. What do you call a fish wearing a crown?
A kingfish!
20. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
21. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
22. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
23. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
24. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
25. Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
26. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
27. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired!
28. What did one plate say to another?
Tonight, dinner's on me!
29. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts!
30. What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange!
31. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
32. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
33. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman!
34. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
35. What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain!
36. Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems!
37. What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
38. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
39. Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
40. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener!
41. What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I'll meet you at the corner."
42. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
43. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
44. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
45. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
46. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired!
47. What did one plate say to another?
Tonight, dinner's on me!
48. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
49. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
50. What did the ocean say to the shore?
Nothing, it just waved!
51. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
52. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman!
53. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
54. What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain!
55. Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems!
56. What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
57. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
58. Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
59. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener!
60. What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I'll meet you at the corner."
61. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
62. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
63. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
64. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
65. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired!
66. What did one plate say to another?
Tonight, dinner's on me!
67. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
68. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
69. What did the ocean say to the shore?
Nothing, it just waved!
70. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
71. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman!
72. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
73. What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain!
74. Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems!
75. What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
76. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
77. Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
78. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener!
79. What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I'll meet you at the corner."
80. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
81. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
82. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
83. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
84. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired!
85. What did one plate say to another?
Tonight, dinner's on me!
86. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
87. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it
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