let's get those laughs rolling:
1. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
2. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me vacation ads.
3. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
4. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
5. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
6. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
7. Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
8. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them!
9. I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
10. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
11. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be bagels!
12. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
13. I only know how to do 50% of a push-up. The other 50% is getting back up!
14. What did one wall say to the other wall? "I'll meet you at the corner!"
15. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
16. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
17. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
18. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
19. What do you call fake lettuce? A "head" of deception.
20. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
21. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
22. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
23. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? Because he was outstanding in his field!
24. Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
25. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
26. Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
27. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
28. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
29. What do you call a fish wearing a crown? A kingfish.
30. Why don't eggs tell each other secrets? They might crack up!
31. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
32. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
33. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
34. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
35. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I'm going on ahead!
36. I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
37. I only know how to do 50% of a push-up. The other 50% is getting back up!
38. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
39. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
40. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
41. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
42. What's brown and sticky? A stick!
43. I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.
44. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
45. Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
46. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
47. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
48. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
49. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I'm going on ahead!
50. I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
51. I only know how to do 50% of a push-up. The other 50% is getting back up!
52. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
53. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
54. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
55. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
56. What's brown and sticky? A stick!
57. I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.
58. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
59. Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
60. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
61. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
62. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
63. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I'm going on ahead!
64. I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
65. I only know how to do 50% of a push-up. The other 50% is getting back up!
66. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
67. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
68. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
69. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
70. What's brown and sticky? A stick!
71. I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.
72. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
73. Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
74. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
75. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
76. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
77. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I'm going on ahead!
78. I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
79. I only know how to do 50% of a push-up. The other 50% is getting back up!
80. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
81. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
82. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
83. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
84. What's brown and sticky? A stick!
85. I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.
86. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
87. Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
88. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
89. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
90. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
91. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I'm going on ahead!
92. I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
93. I only know how to do 50% of a push-up. The other 50% is getting back up!
94. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
95. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
96. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
97. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
98. What's brown and sticky? A stick!
99. I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.
100. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
